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I Support You

Legal gay marriage in all 50 states has been the law of the land for 96 hours now and the sky isn’t falling, straight married couples aren’t getting divorced due to the change, the black plague didn’t reemerge, we didn’t have to sacrifice a virgin to stop volcano’s from erupting, no one turned into a pillar of salt, there was no rioting, no looting, no anarchy, no national guard, no EMS alert on tv, nope, none of that happened at all. Barack Obama is still the president, Fox News is still racist, wall street continues to screw everyone out of their retirements, the sun still rises in the east and sets in the west, and Socially Urban Blog is still the most amazing source for progressive commentary :-).  Yep, all of that is still as it was before. People woke up and went to work, or to school, or did nothing just like every day prior to gay marriage being legal. Other than the whining from republicans and a few silly angry posts predicting the end of the world from a few misguided (but well-meaning) panic-prone people on social media, life went on as usual and this Monday seemed no different from the Monday of last week. But for gay people like me I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to know that my government, who I pay taxes to, will no longer tell me I deserve less rights just because I’m gay. I wish I could describe that feeling but words will not do it justice.

Tonya R Isom

Tonya R Isom

Finally getting full marriage equality was inconceivably extraordinary and life changing for me, but of course there was an immediate and somewhat predictable backlash brewing as well.  Some of the anti-gay homophobic posts on so many people’s timelines that I have on my friends list kinda threw me for a loop. Usually I try not to take too much of it personal but sometimes it’s hard to just brush it off. Right in the middle of all the negativity I got a message from a friend that almost brought me to tears. It was so simple and unexpected. Tonya R. Isom sent me a 3 word message along with a picture of the White House lit in rainbow gay pride colors. Those 3 words were I support you.  It was simple, elegant, heartfelt and timed perfectly to snap me out of the creeping darkness I began to feel while reading all of the negativity. I don’t know how she knew I needed that, but I’m so thankful that something touched her heart and lead her to throw me a lifeline right when I needed it most.

After getting her message I decided to take a little social media sabbatical Saturday and Sunday. I had to remind myself that I’m not here to make people happy or to convince people that they should accept me. I’m in charge of my happiness and it’s going to take a whole lot more than a few facebook posts to get me down, or to take away the joy I felt after hearing the court’s decision. I’m not deleting anyone, I’m through trying to convince people that I deserve the same rights they have, and I’m through showing respect to those who show me disrespect. Like our facebook page the end of the day, gay marriage is legal, it’s a done deal, settled once and for all by the highest court in our judicial system. Those who oppose it or those who think it’s wrong, their opinions became completely irrelevant on Friday June 26 2015 at approximately 10 am eastern standard time.  But fret not; it’s never too late to educate and evolve.  Just know that love and justice will always be triumphant over negativity and fear. ‪#‎MarriageEquality‬ ‪#‎DamnTheHaters‬

To those who may have posted angry homophobic comments, I have nothing but love in my heart for you and I wish you no ill will or harm. To those misguided souls who posted inflammatory meme’s and pics designed to invoke fear or stroke public outrage, I harbor no hate in my heart and will not make negative judgments about your character. However I will lend some advice. Before reposting a meme from someone else’s page, please do a little research to find out if it’s true or not. In my experience, the more inflammatory the information is, the more likely the information is a fraud. One really good resource to search for a reposts or meme’s authenticity is They recently debunked a set of photos depicting Jesus kissing a man at what looked like a gay pride parade. All of those photos were taken 3+ years ago all at different times, and all outside of the United States. 2 were from Brazil as a part of a performance art project. None of them were in response to the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize gay marriage here in the US a few days ago. Whoever created the set of photos wanted to outrage Christians and make them hate gays even more. I’m sure he’s very happy at the response because it accomplished exactly what he intended it to. But I refuse to let dirty tactics like this divide us. I hope we can all take this as a learning experience and avoid divisive tricks like this in the future.

Huge Week For Supreme Court

Huge Week For Supreme Court

This has been a huge week for our prestigious Supreme Court.  They delivered monumental rulings that will dramatically change this great country. The rulings that garnered the most attention were the Voting Rights Act ruling, the Defense of Marriage Act ruling, and California’s Prop 8 ruling. Preceding all three of those by a few days there was another Supreme Court ruling that didn’t get much attention at all. I believe it’s just as significant and monumental as the three I named, but I’ll put that one aside for the moment and comment on the three attention grabbers first. Afterward I’ll explain what the lesser known ruling is and how it will impact the direction of our country.

I’ll start with the good news first. At approximately 9am the United States Supreme Court handed down a decision that struck down DOMA (the defense of marriage act) which lifted the federal ban on gay marriage. With a 5-4 vote Justice’s Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor, Kagan and Kennedy all voted in favor of lifting the ban and Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the majority opinion which states “The federal statute is invalid, for no legitimate purpose overcomes the purpose and effect to disparage and to injure those whom the State, by its marriage laws, sought to protect in personhood and dignity. By seeking to displace this protection and treating those persons as living in marriages less respected than others, the federal statute is in violation of the Fifth Amendment.” Of course the dissenting Justice’s were Roberts, Scalia, Alito, and Thomas. All four are ultra conservatives so their opposition to gay marriage is no secret. Now that DOMA was ruled unconstitutional by the highest court in the land, legal gay marriage in all 50 states is all but certain. Immediately following the DOMA decision the court ruled on California’s Prop 8. Prop 8 was a ballot measure in California that wanted to define marriage as 1 man and 1 woman. Before this ballot measure gay marriage was legal in California. After Prop 8 reversed legal gay marriage in California, a federal court in San Francisco struck it down on the grounds that it unfairly discriminated against gays and lesbians who wished to marry. California’s governor and state attorney refused to take the case to the Supreme Court because they were supporters of gay marriage, so an outside anti-gay organization decided to argue the validity of Prop 8 in the place of the state attorney to the Supreme Court (which has never been done before). In another 5 to 4 vote the Supreme Court decided that a private organization did not have legal standing to appeal after the ballot measure was struck down by a federal judge… thus killing Prop 8 and legalizing gay marriage in the state of California once again. Both of these historic rulings fills me with optimism and reaffirms my belief that this country really is the land of the free.

This week the Supreme Court also ruled on the constitutionality of the Voting Rights Act. In a 5 to 4 decision their ruling on this matter shakes the very foundation of my aforementioned reaffirmed optimism. This decision guts the very heart of the Voting Rights Act freeing nine mostly southern states to change their election laws without advance federal approval. Republican governors wasted no time rushing to file numerous new voting restrictions in every state where they have legislative control. Most of these new voter laws were blocked due to federal law during the last election. Congress has the power to redraw the map of states where voting laws need more scrutiny, but any action is unlikely as long as republicans hold a majority in the house. The GOP’s reaction to this new ruling is further evidence that they are aware that a large majority of American’s do not agree with their ideology and they know keeping minorities away from the polls is the only way they can win any future election.  I believe their constant overreaching will hurt them in the midterm elections next year.  The more they fight minorities and gays, the more determined and involved we become.

Now here’s the ruling you probably haven’t heard about.  The gay marriage and the voting rights rulings made headlines all across the country and lead every newscast for days. They were huge stories so of course they deserved huge attention. But there was another Supreme Court ruling this past week that should have gotten just as much attention as the other three rulings did.  Unfortunately the “powers that be” minimize the news coverage when it involves corporations flexing their power to stay above the law.  American Express (huge credit card conglomerate) appeared before the Supreme Court to bar a class-action claim against them.  A group of small restaurant owners joined together to sue American Express claiming that the company engaged in monopolistic business practices to force the merchants to accept their new credit card (with higher merchant fees) after they signed an agreement to accept their debit cards. This put the merchants in difficult position because they could not afford the higher fees, but losing the ability to accept AmEx debit cards would hurt their business as well. So the small group of restaurant owners banded together to sue American Express. American Express did not want a court jury trial and they challenged the merchants right to join together for a class-action suit. Instead they wanted arbitration (controlled by an arbiter of American Express’s choice) with each merchant independently. That’s how this legal issue ended up in front of the Supreme Court. To me, this seems like such an easy ruling. No corporation should be able to dictate the terms of which they are being sued for. But 5 out of 8 Justices did not share this opinion. They decided that the merchants could not band together, but not only that the Justices also ruled that American Express can force a merchant into an arbitration controlled by them. WTF? When did corporations get more rights than an American citizen? This ruling says corporations can deflect any lawsuit brought against them from this point on. Where’s the accountability? In a strongly worded dissent, Justice Elena Kagan said the decision means “the monopolist gets to use its monopoly power to insist on a contract effectively depriving its victims of all legal recourse.” The ruling was the third in three years to shut down class-action efforts brought on behalf of employees, consumers and now small-business owners. Lawyers on both sides of the issue said the court’s conservative wing was determined to shield companies from these broad lawsuits. The court has taken another big step down the road of permitting companies to use arbitration agreements to entirely insulate themselves from class-action liability. Even more proof that right wing conservatives do not give a damn about the people they are supposed to represent, and despite their rhetoric claiming to champion small businesses, their actions paint an entirely different picture.

Dr. King And Prop 8?

This has been such an exciting week because the Federal court struck down the gay marriage ban (aka Prop 8) in California. This is a huge victory for Gay Rights in the state of California, and also for the entire country. Even-though the ruling was made in a California court by a California Judge, it still sets legal precedence. And legal precedence can be used and cited in any state, and even in a Federal court. Right after I got the good news, I stumbled upon a short youtube clip taken from one of Dr. Martin Luther King’s speeches. Call it fate or serendipity or a sign from a higher power, but either way, this wasn’t just a random coincidence. It was very clear to me that I was meant to share it with my blog readers and frame it in the proper context so even those that have opposing views, can still see the logic in my argument.

I’ve heard this speech hundreds of times, and yet I still get chills every time I listen to it. I’m posting this video because I see a very present correlation to the fight for gay rights that’s going on in this country right now. I think it’s very sad that many of my fellow African Americans fought so hard for racial equality, but still can’t see the injustice in denying equal rights to the GLBT community. I know there are some people that feel uneasy or even offended whenever the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s gets compared to the present day Gay Rights movement. And I’m sure some of those people would consider it complete heresy to even associate Dr. Martin Luther King with anything having to do with Gay Rights. If that’s your belief, then fine… you’re entitled to form your own opinion (even if that opinion is a product of ignorance perpetuated by hate and cloaked in intolerance lol). I’m not saying that one movement has a greater social relevance than the other because comparing the hardships of each is irrelevant. Although we’ve made huge progress on the road to racial equality, we’re still not there yet. And the fight for Gay Rights has a long and hard road ahead that we must travel. I strongly believe that if Dr. King were alive today, he would be a great ally to the GLBT community and would fight right along with us.

I challenge anyone who reads this, to watch the short clip, and then honestly tell me that they can’t see the connection and how it can apply to the Gay Rights movement.

The Mormon Proposition

“The Mormon Proposition” details in devastating fashion the efforts of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to help pass the 2008 California ballot measure that defined marriage as solely consisting of a union between a man and a woman. Writer/Co-Director Reed Cowan’s film reveals a disturbing truth of the increasing overlap between church and state. This documentary is extremely well done and at times it even brought me to tears (which is EXTREMELY rare). I wish I could get every person in this country to watch this amazing documentary. I thought I knew everything that went on with proposition 8, but this film exposed a lot of new & shocking information that left me speechless. If this film doesn’t move you, then you have to be a soleless heartless pitiful sociopath incapable of any human emotion… or a practicing Mormon (I’m only being facetious here, so please no hate mail).

The legal battle to declare Proposition 8 unconstitutional is currently underway, which means the ending to this story has yet to be written. Will we write an ending of triumph and redemption, or will we continue this story of intolerance and hate? 

Watch the full length documentary for free below:

President Obama Speaks at GLBT Pride Reception

President Obama spoke at a White House reception marking GLBT Pride Month on June 22, 2010. I know some of his campaign promises concerning gay rights are taking a little longer than we would like, but I have absolute faith that he is going to fulfill every promise that he’s made to the GLBT community. Watching this speech gave me chills at times because I realize just how close we are to equal rights and total equality, and I realize how monumental it is to have a sitting president publicly announce his support for ending ALL gay & lesbian discrimination. This president understands that religious ideology has no place in a democratic government. I hope and pray that, that type of government ended with George Bush, never to be seen or heard from again.

For more info about issues concerning GLBT rights, please visit the sites below:


DeMon’s Dilemma

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog about something personal in my life.  Here lately politics have consumed most of my attention, therefore my writing has shown that.  But as I sit here in my room at 6am taking advantage of the quiet calm that dawn has presented me, I begin to reflect upon my personal relationships and how I interact within these relationships.  The genuine connections I have with my family and close friends have always been extremely important to me.  But being gay and closeted for my entire life up until I was 19 or 20 effected those relationships, and what parts of my personality I felt comfortable sharing with them.  I loved and desperately needed these people in my life, and I thought if they knew who I really was then I’d lose them.  So I learned how to compartmentalize different aspects of my personality and modify those characteristics that I thought might expose my secret.  I became really good at analyzing people to figure out who they wanted me to be and what attributes they felt the most comfortable with.  So in my head I thought that’s who they wanted me to be, so in-turn I would try and portray that when I was around that person.  After doing that for almost my whole life, I began to question every single thing about me and my personality.  What was real and what was an act.  After struggling with who I am and wrestling with self-hatred for all those years, somehow I finally found the courage admit to myself and to my friends that I was gay.  I was so blessed to have amazing friends in my life that genuinely love and accepted me unconditionally.  They have no idea how big of a role their acceptance played in making me feel good about myself for the first time in my life.  Without Shante Mika and Jessie, I might be dead right now… no joke.  Then about 4 years after I came out to my friends, my family finds out. I won’t get into how they found out, but I will say it wasn’t a pleasant situation, and probably one of the darkest periods in my life thus far.  So after that pretty much everyone in my life knew about my sexuality, then there was no need for me to be so guarded, scared, and cautious anymore.  I could just be me… right?  Well that’s what I thought at first, but things aren’t like that at all.  Let me explain:  After building a personal relationship with someone throughout your whole life, you and that particular person have created a certain rapport with each other. The familiar way you two interact is what makes your relationship comfortable, so that’s what you come to expect from that person.  So now that I’m not closeted anymore, I don’t feel comfortable putting on that act.  So my relationships with those people becomes a huge dilemma.  I don’t know how to be “me” around them.  I can feel that they’re uncomfortable with my sexuality because they don’t want to acknowledge it or talk about it.  They want me to be the person they are use to, but they don’t understand that that person wasn’t me.  So because of all that, I just try and keep my distance.  I don’t want to give them the chance to reject me.  This is the case with a lot of my family right now (most, but NOT all).  I have no idea how to act around them. 

I’m not sure if I articulated my thoughts and feelings clearly in this post, but I hope that whoever reads this will get some kind of understanding out of it.  This is a hard situation to put into words because there’s so much emotion behind it.  Maybe I’ll do a video blog later on to try and explain things a little better.  If you did pick up on the point I was trying to get across, then leave me a short comment or a private message to let me know.

Broken Spirit

Today I feel so very sad, tired, and somewhat defeated. My initial outrage and anger (that I felt when I first became aware of Uganda’s gay death penalty bill) has slowly turned into angst on the cusp of despair. I grew up in a very rural extremely small White town in the south right in the heart of “The Bible Belt”, so I’m very well aware of the homophobia that exist in most conservative and Christian households here, so I’m not at all naive about their beliefs and opinions about gays. I usually just chalk-it-up to ignorance, and continue living my life as open and honest as I can. I’ve always believed that my character as a person who happens to be gay, is a lot more effective in changing the minds of those that are homophobic, way better than any magazine article, movie, argument, debate, march, or protest can. By knowing someone who’s gay, they can see them as a person with the same hopes and dreams as they have, and not just an issue to be for or against. But when I learned that an American “Christian” evangelical group were going back and forth to Uganda to aide them in committing the worst human rights atrocity in my lifetime, I began to lose my faith in the goodness of man and doubt the compassion and love in Christianity. I know this particular situation with Uganda involves only one of many religious organizations and/or churches, but I feel that a majority of those groups and churches share equal blame in this. By not speaking out against an injustice of this magnitude, it makes them culpable. The few that have came out with public statements are choosing their words very carefully so they can appear sympathetic to the gay community without admitting that their homophobia indirectly contributed to the creation of this “kill the gays” bill. The only thing that frustrates me just as much as homophobia is unacknowledged and/or unaddressed hypocrisy. And these people are pushing both buttons at once.

While I was reading the latest developments about this story, searching different blogs and established print media (on the web); I stumbled upon something that switched my anger into utter despair. I noticed that a majority of the comments that were left on all the African American targeted blogs were siding with Uganda’s attempt to execute gays. That just blew me away. I really didn’t expect that amount of hatred from my own race. A race that I’m proud to be a part of, a race that has first hand knowledge of how oppression and violent injustice feels. I just don’t understand… why, or how this came to be. I would of never guessed that my race would ever under any circumstances, take on the role of the oppressor. I just can’t get my head around that one. I’ve tried and tried and tried to make sense of it all, but disappointingly, it turns into a contest of futility. If I can’t convince my own race to change and see things rationally, then what chances do I have to convince a whole country.


Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill is a piece of proposed legislation under consideration in Uganda. It was proposed on 13 October 2009 by… more

Olberman gives Gay Marriage some Perspective

Out of all the arguments, articles, books, pundit sparring, cable news segments, and verbal jousting for and against Gay marriage; no one has captured and conveyed the thoughts and feelings of frustration from the Gay community better than MSNBC’s Keith Olberman. I’m a loyal viewer of his show, but somehow this clip got by me. It was taken from a show he did a couple months back right after California passed Prop 8. His heartfelt plea was just as eloquent as it was profound. Watch and see for your self:

If you can’t play the video clip, here’s the direct url:

Here’s a clip that exposes the hypocrisy of denying basic human rights from Gay & Lesbian couples. It takes the logic and arguments from the anti Gay marriage movement, and uses it against them. Before I watched this video, I had never thought about it that way. But, it makes perfect sense. See for yourself and let me know if you agree.

Protect Marriage, Protect Children, Prohibit Divorce – watch more funny videos

Here’s the direct link just in case the clip doesn’t load.

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes, that I think is very relevant to this story and the time we live in.

Seek not abroad, turn back into thy self, for in the inner man dwells the truth.
-St. Augustine


As I watch what’s going on in our country played out in every current form of media you can think of, I began to see something in the human spirit that’s very dark, evil, and innately insecure. Proposition 8 in California is a bill that says marriage can only be defined as one man and one woman, which basically says that if you’re gay and you and your partner want to enter into matrimony, you’re out of luck. I’ve struggled for years and years trying to understand what makes people want to persecute, oppress, and exclude their fellow human beings for not believing as they believe, or hate people because their skin pigment is different from theirs. It’s amazing to me that they see nothing wrong with this. Throughout history, this same type of evil has occurred over and over again… but we’ve learned absolutely NOTHING from it. Nothing at all. I’m 100% sure that this gay marriage ban will be looked at as a major injustice years, maybe even decades from now. It will be seen in the same light as slavery and the holocaust. But I’m here now… we’re living in the time we’re living in. Sure time will bring us justice, but we don’t have to wait. We’ve seen this same story play out a million times, and it all ends in the same way. With all of our knowledge, and with our ability to reach and communicate, and share ideas with people all over the world, we are still just as ignorant as those slave owners were in 1654, just as ignorant as Hitler and Nazi Germany was in 1933, just as ignorant as those who took part in the Salem witch trials in 1692, just as ignorant as those who supported segregation during the Civil Rights Movement in the 1950’s, just as ignorant as those who supported apartheid in South Africa in 1948. We learned all of this in 3rd grade. There are countless movies, books, articles, and documentaries about every one of those events… but for some reason, we’re not connecting the dots. So I ask a very simple question. WHY? Some of you may say religion bears most of the blame, but I think it’s a lot deeper than just religion. I believe human insecurity is the root of it all. Insecurity is a dark, evil and dangerous emotion that can cause humans to do horrible and terrible things to each other. Insecurity defies any and all logic. Insecure people feed off of each others negative energy. For some reason, they crave the feeling of superiority. They have to exclude and opress anyone that’s unlike them, in order to feed that craving. They seek out “easy targets”, and use whatever amunition they can find, to justify their sick behavior (like religion). Then it snowballs from there into something ugly and evil because they don’t realize that negativity will never fill that void of insecurity. It boggles the mind that these so called religious leaders and organizations are spending their time and money and focusing their attention on the personal lives of two consenting adults that are in love and want to get married, and happens to be of the same gender. Who I love and who I marry, has nothing to do with them. My right to marry will in no way affect any aspect of their life. With everything that’s going on in the world like famine, homelessness, desize, etc., why would they want to focus on what two consenting adults do in their personal life. They have to see the hypocrisy of it all. Nobody is that dumb. I guess I’ll call it “willful-ignorance”… and I call them DUMB ASS IGNORANT ASSHOLES. Legal gay marriage will happen sooner or later anyway, so let’s fast forward through all this bullshit, and accept the inevatible.

Visit for more information. This country just elected it’s first African American president. If we can do that, we can do anything.

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